I once said yes to a client that I should have turned down.
Everything looked good on paper and the money was good, but something felt off.
Looking back on it, I should have paid more attention. But I just dismissed it.
Somewhere along the way I'd learnt the bad habit of saying yes when I should have said no, because I was in survival mode.
Welp. Turns out that project devoured eighteen months of my life, and I had little to show for it.
The work felt wrong:
- Wrong fit
- Wrong rhythm
- Wrong values
I'd finish a call feeling drained and strangely lost. Like I'd drifted away from my purpose, ever so slightly, but noticeably so.
I remember studying opportunity cost back in my undergrad in Economics. This is where I experienced it first hand, in real life.
Saying yes to this opportunity meant I couldn't take on the clients I actually wanted to work with, because I was too busy delivering on something I didn't feel aligned to.
And there I was, building a business I didn't want, just because I'd said yes and now I had to fulfil the commitment. (Which I'm glad I did, by the way)
In the end, what changed wasn't the result of willpower. I'd love to tell you it was discipline, but it wasn't that either.
What changed was that I got honest with myself, and I refused to take on financially rewarding opportunities that felt clearly misaligned with my purpose and my vision.
In his Stanford commencement address, Steve Jobs said he asked himself one question every day.
If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I'm about to do today?
And whenever the answer was no for too many days in a row, he knew something had to change.
I can't say I ask myself that every single day. But I do find it to be a helpful filter. It seems a bit dramatic, but I think that's the point.
The starkness of it, the absurdity even ... is what makes it revealing.
Now I'm not suggesting every opportunity that doesn't feel perfect should be turned down.
When you're starting out, you take what you can. But depending on where you are on your journey, saying no to the things that aren't aligned with your purpose and vision is what gives you the room to say yes to the things that are.
At some point in each person's journey, I believe they realise that money shouldn't drive every decision.
Instead, clarity, honesty and alignment with our vision and purpose should.
When exactly that point arrives for each of us is a question only we can answer individually.
I remember talking to Derek Sivers on episode 222 of the Productive Insights podcast.
In his book he puts it simply: if it's not a hell yes, then it's a no.
I don't know if I'm brave enough to run my entire business that way, but the older I get, the more right he sounds.
I love Derek's work.
(We hung out in person for a whole day when he was here in Sydney a few years ago, and it was really lovely.)
So, anyway, here's a thought I'd like to leave you with:
If you're working on something right now that doesn't feel aligned with your deeper purpose, ask yourself what you could do to stop doing that ONE thing.
Just naming it, and asking that question, is often where the clarity starts to happen.
What's the ONE yes you wish you'd said no to?
Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.
Ciao for now,
Ash
